Torture

Woke up tired because of my unending battle with misery. Last night it tried to suffocate me in my sleep but I struggled to stay alive. I woke up in the middle of the night, heart racing, head aching, and hyperventilating. I sat down on my bed and cried. My room was really dark and I barely saw the photographs and graphic designs I posted in my room's walls. I lied down and shivered, feeling the coldness of my room. I fell asleep crying.

Hairwars: The Revenge of the Frizz

My dear sister
She can be a pop-diva with this hair but she needs lots of training for that.

A.K.A. "Art Man"

For most of the summer I was Teacher Allen and Art Man for the kids in Truevalue Rockwell...
Tomorrow is the first day of classes for the first semester and I am so excited to go to school already (it's like when you anticipate Christmas morn -- thinking of the gifts from Santa), I know this semester will be a fun one. But I miss the kids.
There's Baron (5yo). He loves to draw dinosaurs and ask much questions in class. Most of the time he runs around with his classmates around the workshop area while waiting for his mom to fetch him.
Gian (5yo), in our last day of workshop he cried because Baron told him that the heart that he drew in his notebook was ugly. I had to carry him in my arms and talk to him while he was wiping his tears off from his eyes.

Cris (7yo), who always waits for his mom to fetch him. Most of the time he would hug me when i sit beside him. And there was this one time that he tried to take a bite of my fore arm because he was so hungry from waiting for his mom.

Erin (4yo), who has a fraternal twin brother, didn't move in the first activity she did. Her mom told me that this was her way of shutting everything out whenever she would be shy or insecure. But eventually after much baby talk she drew something.

And there's Nico (4yo) who loves cars. We played with his toy cars during the last day. I also taught him a secret handshake. And he would smile everytime I lose from the thumb wrestling.

I have 48 students all in all and if I'd enumerate my experiences with them it would take so much space here. Maybe in my next few posts, you'll see glimpses of the kids' antics.

Kids at Art - Truevalue, Rockwell

Baron, 5

Roxanne, 5 and Cris, 7

Gian, 5

Sean, 4

Nico, 4

Mandy, 6

Art Teacher!!

I grew younger

You Are 8 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Return to Sender

My dad just left today.
He was off to a cargo ship to be a boatswain for 10 months or so, as it always was for years now. I never knew what he does there, though I researched what a boatswain is and here's the definition: 1 : a petty officer on a merchant ship having charge of hull maintenance and related work 2 : a naval warrant officer in charge of the hull and all related equipment.
I honestly am not in good terms with him.
We had a fight just recently, about a monthe ago, about certain issues that were never resolved. Being the hard-headed-ego-centric son that I am and him the macho-introvert-silent-dad that he is (not considering that we have anger management issues too), we never talked nor confronted our problem. Since (what? forever) I realized that I need something more that financial support, I tried to go for juvenile delinquency than being mature about our issues.
I would be branded as selfish (or maybe I am just a psychotic brat), and I know that sometimes (or most of the times) I am. I think I have certain ideas of empowering myself but never to the disadvantege of others, for me that's more of self centeredness than selfishness.
My dad and I never understood what our relationship came to be.

But if i had the chance (or he would read and understand all that's written here) I would want to say:

Pa,
I'm sorry that I couln't be the son you want me to be, I know this is such a cliche but we both live in that premise, I seldom see you as my dad. You don't know why I'm like this and I don't know what you think of me as: your son or just someone who needs support(close to being a patient in a mental institution or someone in a orphanage).
Less the pride, I think our relationship would be better.
I'm sorry pa.
I should have been better than this. I could be but I chose not to be.
I still have to throw all these excess emotional baggages in me.
I still have to change for our own good.
It's me.
I shall be the one to sacrifice.
It's my turn.

Josel

Blue

You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!

http://web.tickle.com/color/index.jsp

Monday Mornings

As I try to write something today, I hear the "distant" guitar strumming of the person I fondly call "dad". I am 23 and still in school. People my age, most of them, are working already; Successful office workers; employees. And here I am still in school. Very much dependent on my parents' money, though sometimes some commission will come my way and that's where I earn my own. Every morning I usually hear a different "wake up call": My mom telling me the importance of time, money and how I waste them because of mot attending my classes (just the other day she insisted on waking me up and I told her that I have no morning class and she did not listen, she continued her "morning sermon") , my "dad" playing the guitar (the only tune he's mastered: Anak by Freddie Aguilar), my used to be phone now just serving as an alarm clock, and the morning sun that scorches my skin (about two months ago I never experineced this because there was a mango tree in our backyard, my dad cut it off).
It's nine in the morning. I have to go and take a shower.
"Dad" is still playing his out-of-tune rendition of Hotel California.
These are the times I wished I never went to the College of Music and developed my "ear".

Holiday Cheers

What matters to an artist is not experience, but inward experience
- Cesare Pavese

I tried to get out of bed Monday morning but neither my heavy head nor semi-paralyzed limbs allowed me to. Instead, the warmth of the sun that beamed through the window beside my bed forced me to get up and slowly walk to the bathroom.
As I was eating breakfast I could feel my calf muscles ache. It felt like I was still standing singing Filipino Christmas Carols to mall goers – songs like, “O, Magsaya” (the Filipino translation of “Joy to the World”).
It was Saturday when we went to this mall in Alabang, not to shop for Christmas gifts but, together with our suit bags, place ourselves to designated stations in the mall where we would be singing. We dressed up in our priced barong and the ladies in their balintawak, walked to one of the stations, formed two lines and sang with bright faces to passersby. With every song there would be a few people listening and some would simply ignore our singing.
We would sing the same repertoire in each station and in each station I would see people smiling and singing along. Less the sore feet, it was fun seeing the eyes of the people around you brighten as they heard our harmonious voices.
For collectively almost 5 hours (we had breaks in between stations), for two days we sang in the mall and I experienced the physical exhaustion only that Monday morning. And yet I never regretted going to the mall and singing for the people. Until now I can still feel that unexplainable joy I felt; it was greater than the joy I felt when I first learned to whistle a tune.
After breakfast I rode a bus to Quezon City. I would be going to a condominium unit to paint a mural of Peter Pan and Tinkerbell for two kids’ age 5 and 7. I would be again filled with happiness knowing that when the painting would be done they too will smile and the cycle would go on and on.

OKCupid test

ENFP - The ChampionYou

scored 54% I to E, 36% N to S, 33% F to T, and 57% J to P!

Your type is known as the Champion type, which is part of the larger group called idealists. Nothing occurs that does not have some deep and ethical significance in your eyes. You see life as an exciting drama. You are very charismatic, yet tend to be too harsh on yourself for not being as genuine as you think you should be. 3% of the population shares your type.As a romantic partner, you need to talk about what is going on in your life. You are a strong supporter for your partner's efforts to grow and change and be happy. You need to feel that same support from your partner. Expressive, optimistic, and curious, you are eager to enjoy new experiences with your partner, whom you wish to be your confidant and soul mate, as well as play mate. You are uncomfortable sharing negative emotion, though, and tend to withdraw from confrontation and process your feelings privately. You feel most loved when your partner appreciates your creativity, accepts your uniqueness, and sees you as the compassionate person you are. You need to hear your partner tell you how much you mean to them and would love if they did thoughtful spontaneous things to demonstrate it.

My group summary: idealists (NF)

My type summary: ENFP

Solitary Soul

written while listening to "Psycho Doctor" from the anime Fruits Basket

I hear the leaves fluttering outside my window
As scenes from the not so distant past
Flashed inside my head
Like a silent movie in Black and White.

I felt the coldness of the wind creeping on my skin
I closed the window and lied on my bed.
Once more I felt
The stillness of the room.

I closed my eyes and began to feel
The emptiness – sending me to a deep slumber
In my dark cold room
I lay slumped on a corner.

Jusqu’à Fin (Till The End)

Written while listening to the instrumental version of "Kissing You" from the motion picture Romeo + Juliet

Thick fog covers the pavement of a winding road. The silhouette of a young man is seen from a distance – carrying the lifeless body of a young lady in his arms. The fog clears and the lad lays the lady down on the grassy knoll.

Then he speaks, “Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night.” A teardrop falls and he slowly touches her cheeks with the back of his hand feeling the coldness of death on her pale skin.

He gradually moves his head forward towards hers – memorizing the contours of her face. His eyes stop on her lips, unexpectedly it still has the color of blood. He gently kisses her. The wind blows and he embraces her – her black hair flowing with the wind. He shouts her name. The thunder echoes the intensity of his voice. A raindrop falls on his cheeks.

He brushes off the dripping hair from his eyes. The body of his beloved lay still and colder because of the rain. His hands are now trembling because of the grief death brought him. In his pocket he draws out the knife that took her life – he found it in a pool of blood beside her. He looks at the bloodstain on the it and firmly grabs its base. And in a split second he thrusts it upon his beating heart. He lets out a painful cry.

The rain stops and the fog begins to thicken. On the grassy knoll the lifeless bodies lay.

The Twins

inspired by Neil Gaiman's "Snow, Glass, Apples"

It was just weeks after my husband’s death when I found them unconscious in the woods – a boy and a girl of the same age with tattered clothes and stains of blood with feathers on their hands. Scattered close to them were breadcrumbs. I hurriedly asked help from the village people to carry them home; and took care of them.

I am a widow of a baker. The children fondly calls my house, “The House made of Bread and Candies” because I always give them candies together with the bread they bought. The people of my village go to me to buy bread every morning and also foretell their destinies. I have the gift of premonition. But I can never tell what my future is. If I did know what it was, I never would have let the twins live in my home.

They did not wake until I had the dream: I was in a different house. It was quite dainty considering that the outside was full of trees; and it was fall. I was with a man who I feel is my husband. We were at the doorsteps. In front of us were the two children with the same age as they are now but their clothes were not torn; brown stains on their hands.

My husband (in the dream) and I held the children’s hands and welcomed them to our home. Suddenly, the scene changed. I was taken aback with what I saw. What lay in the yard was my husband’s corpse; his guts scattered on the ground as if a wild animal had hungrily preyed on him. Beside him was a trail of rocks. I followed it. It went through the woods to a clearing. No one was there. I lost my balance while walking to the end of the trail (this may be due to the trauma I experienced). I fell on my belly and all of a sudden I felt a thud on my back.

The next scene that followed was a revelation. I was now lying on my back and the twins were feasting on my insides…

I awoke exhausted from the dream I had. I tried to feel my belly with my hands. In the dark I saw the silhouette of the twins; they’re still in their bed sleeping.

I wasn’t able to go back to sleep that night.

I saw the sun’s rays creeping through the window – to the twin’s bed. In the morning light, their skin were as white as the milk that I get from my cow every morning. But today I would not get any milk from Daisy.

As I was kneading the dough for the day’s breads, two hands grab hold of my arm. I was startled to see that the twins were awake. I tried not to flinch. I gave them both a faint smile and said, “Hello there you two. What do you want for breakfast?” They did not speak but instead pointed at Daisy.

I hurriedly got an ax and cut the head of Daisy off. I wanted to scream and cry while I was chopping the limbs of my poor Daisy.

They ate the carcass like two hungry hyenas competing for food. I went back to kneading the dough again.

Days passed and I started exchanging my bread for meat from the villagers that would buy from me. In fear that the twins might murder and eat me.
The villagers started to get suspicious. No one dared to go to me and be foretold of his or her future.

The children of the village threw rocks on my house and shouted, “Witch! In that house is a witch!” Rumor broke that I’ve been feeding the twins so they’d be plump for the picking; eating them after they have grown.

The twins learned of this rumor and created a scheme to lay death upon me; so their secret would die with me and they may feast upon the rest of the villagers.

One morning, while I was getting the bread I baked out of kiln, they pushed me in, closed the kiln’s door and shouted, “Witch, witch, witch! You ought to be there witch!” It was like a chant they repeated over and over. Soon after, the villagers began entering my house chanting, jeering and laughing.

As I watched the twins celebrate with the villagers a scene flashed in my head: The girl locks the door. As the chants, jeers and laughs of the villagers grew more intense; the boy started the feeding frenzy by putting one-man unconscious and then tearing off his limbs. The loud jeers and laughs were replaced by screams and cries for help.

The girl leaps on the villagers like a tiger knocking each one unconscious.

The boy, in turn, opens the villager’s chest and feasts on their beating heart.

The scene fades.

Once more I hear the villagers’ voices echoing inside the kiln. The twins gave me a faint smile as I collapse and gasp for my last breath

Photoshop Magic

Original Picture (less disgusting than the one shown)

Shoulder Lickin' Good

Posters

Poster proposals for Ivinn's lecture recital

• Colored


• Grayscale Composite


• BW Composite

The Name Game

Allen
Handsome, cheerful, harmonious one : Irish


You are a deep thinker and student of life using your intuition and natural detective ability to seek truth and hidden knowledge. Peaceloving and compassionate you are nonetheless strong-willed and courageous in confronting challenges. Although your approach to life tends to be on a mental level it is important for you to see your ideas and concepts take form in the material world. Your talents and leadership skills give you great potential for a distinguished career.

Josel


You are a charismatic individual with a dynamic and attractive personality. Probably not known for your caution or patience you are a risk taker who hates to be restricted in any way. Freedom is very important to you. Your thinking and intuition is strong and you have a talent for communication. You enjoy the sensual and material pleasures of life and with the application of care and wisdom you can achieve wonderful worldly success.

Santiago
St.James : Spanish


You have great self-confidence and a charming personality which attracts many friends and admirers. Your innate sense of personal power and ability to lead are ideally suited to positions of authority. Being so versatile and seeing the big picture your ambitions are high and much is usually expected of you. With patience and tenacity you will certainly fulfill the great potential you have for success.

Malumay


Extremely intelligent in thought and deed you are gifted at communication and finding practical applications for your ideas. You are strong willed and ambitious and need to have passion, freedom and adventure in your life. Always willing to help others your warm, honest and loyal nature ensures that you are loved by all. It is likely that you will achieve a great deal of success and recognition in life.

Stress

Under the Sea
I was underwater for a few days and gave birth to a dozen blue and orange fishes that have rubber foam for its skin.make that more than a dozen.sixteen to be exact.one night my friend who i fondly call Ursula collected the fishes.She was to use it as props for a 10 minute production in baguio.That night was rehearsal night. A few hours passed.Ursula came back and told me to produce more offsprings.With this remark I needed help so I asked my merman friend Janus to help outand together we gave birth to 16 more fishes.

Pixie forest
I awoke one night to discover that I was sleeping on a leaf. I stood up and to my surprise i had wings. The sun was about to shine. My wings began to flutter. Everyday I would fly from leaf to leaf just to collect petals. I was excited to create a really special flower. But to my dismay I collected too much petals that I had a bunch of them stuck on my yard. I began to make not one special flower but a bunch. Finally the day arrived I had to offer the flowers I made to the Goddess of Beauty.

Da Vinci
A masterpiece done in 8 hours (acryllic paint on coco cloth)original size: 7ft by 6 ft (per panel 7ft by 2 ft)

The Attack of Sweet Cravings

When you are hungry and there is no available food in the ref but raw food, the hired help is out and you just want dessert after a hearty meal, Teletubbies is on and you want something to eat while watching those somewhat disgustingly cute colorful creatures with these strange shapes and figures on top of their head (which will make you think if one of those is a phallic symbol of some sort); so you can throw up something after the show (not just gastric juices but bits of semi-digested food), or you just want to surprise your mom by letting her taste the nastiest food she’ll ever consume; and she’ll say to you that it’s the tastiest (but not necessarily delicious) food she ever ate – probably because you’re her child and she doesn’t want to dampen your spirits about your dream on becoming the best cook in the world. Try this:
Choc-nut Cake.
You will need 3 egg yolks and 1 whole egg, a 300ml can of condensed milk (preferably Carnation or Milkmaid, not Alaska because it has this weird taste), and, of course, Choc-nut – about 5 bars or 10 if you’re really in the mood to make yourself sick.
To create this sweet concoction you have to beat the egg yolks with the whole egg (don’t forget to break the egg, the shell has no special flavor, trust me) then mix in the condensed milk. Before blending in the Choc-nut in the mixture, crush them, in a separate platter, with a fork or your hand if you want your essence to be included in the cake (this is most favored by lovers). Put it in a microwave safe container and put it on the microwave oven in the maximum setting for 3 minutes or until you see it puff out of the container like a cake (maybe like a brownie or a brown puffed pillow). Top with confectioner’s sugar. Eat it while it’s warm because if you don’t it’ll look like pancakes when it’s cold.
Post text: Recipe intended just for the consumption of children (5-10 years old) or kid-at-heart folks (like me!).

When i'm with you...

I need not wear a mask,
I can clown around when i want to;
I need not be an adult,
I can be a kid and play;
I need not say much,
A simple touch and kiss
send what I feel for you;
I need not hide,
you bring out my inner being;
I need not be afraid,
because you will always be beside me.

Hurt

Lips are numb.
Heart beating slowly,
every thump a short of breath.
Stomach grumbling,
Close to vomiting.