Understanding Physics

He was a free spirit. I caged him, that is why he broke free.
It was when I had no one when he came. He lent me a shoulder to cry on. Tried to cheer me up. But it was my choice to mope. I brought myself to sulk and be bitter with the break up I had. He knew what I was going through and he knew that in time I could choose to go and leave him behind or stay and share moments with him. He told me that happiness is a decision and until now I haven't decided yet. But I am in the process of accepting that someone I loved chose another. And to move on with my life would be the best thing to do.
He was my confidant. He would listen to me intently and let me realize things. I learned much from him. Long time ago I was just a blogger to him, who he thought was an extrovert. But i wasn't. I was more of an introvert. I saw "gayness" in a different light when he came to my life . I would usually fear it when people would discover that I am gay but now I am comfortable with the idea. That is who I am.
He decided for his freedom from the clutches of me -- a rebound guy. I felt bad after he told me that he needs time away from me. But I understood why he had to do it. It was for me also. So I can heal on my own.
If it was the right time, if my heart was whole again.
I would have had moments with him.
But it ended.

Goals

Short Term:
School:
- jewelry plate for ma'am rita, orthographic (due: aug:29)
- (done) Plate for sir mel, advertisment for self
- (done)Download exam questions for ma'am tan-sy
- Plan visual board/story board for ma'am tan-sy
- collect magazines for the visual board

Himig Sanghaya
- think of other projects
- plan stuff for the new HQ
- do agenda for saturdays meeting with the officers
- organize the officers of Himig Sanghaya Choral
- research about putting up a Foundation
- Reorganize IPAP-VA curriculum

Self:
- (done) get a hair cut
- (done) shave!
- arrange a song
- paint something
- (done) send resume to Sir Manny
- find a raket

Long term:
- join competitions (shell, Nikon)
- graduate CFA-ID (Due: Apr 2008)
- graduate BFA-ID (Due: Apr 2009)
- find a job that can support my studies and expenses (Summer 2007)
- move out of the house (ASAHP)
- work in an advertising or design firm
- put up my own design firm

Of Being Alone and Dying

While I walked to the Jeepney stop last night I remembered the times that someone would actually insist on taking me home even if I could manage to go home by myself and it would be a hassle for him to actually do it. Last night was quite different. I went home alone. No hand to hold. No shoulder to lean on. No one to talk to while I rode the jeep to visayas ave.
Last night I realized that I would want to be alone for a while. Think about other things than romantic relationships because these make me remember things. And with these things the depression attacks me again. It's a silent killer. Everyday whenever I would not be doing anything it attacks me from behind. Stabbing me as many times as it can. I feel I'm already dead...
Death is what has become of my life.