What matters to an artist is not experience, but inward experience
- Cesare Pavese
I tried to get out of bed Monday morning but neither my heavy head nor semi-paralyzed limbs allowed me to. Instead, the warmth of the sun that beamed through the window beside my bed forced me to get up and slowly walk to the bathroom.
As I was eating breakfast I could feel my calf muscles ache. It felt like I was still standing singing Filipino Christmas Carols to mall goers – songs like, “O, Magsaya” (the Filipino translation of “Joy to the World”).
It was Saturday when we went to this mall in Alabang, not to shop for Christmas gifts but, together with our suit bags, place ourselves to designated stations in the mall where we would be singing. We dressed up in our priced barong and the ladies in their balintawak, walked to one of the stations, formed two lines and sang with bright faces to passersby. With every song there would be a few people listening and some would simply ignore our singing.
We would sing the same repertoire in each station and in each station I would see people smiling and singing along. Less the sore feet, it was fun seeing the eyes of the people around you brighten as they heard our harmonious voices.
For collectively almost 5 hours (we had breaks in between stations), for two days we sang in the mall and I experienced the physical exhaustion only that Monday morning. And yet I never regretted going to the mall and singing for the people. Until now I can still feel that unexplainable joy I felt; it was greater than the joy I felt when I first learned to whistle a tune.
After breakfast I rode a bus to Quezon City. I would be going to a condominium unit to paint a mural of Peter Pan and Tinkerbell for two kids’ age 5 and 7. I would be again filled with happiness knowing that when the painting would be done they too will smile and the cycle would go on and on.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Sunday, November 13, 2005
OKCupid test
ENFP - The ChampionYou
scored 54% I to E, 36% N to S, 33% F to T, and 57% J to P!
Your type is known as the Champion type, which is part of the larger group called idealists. Nothing occurs that does not have some deep and ethical significance in your eyes. You see life as an exciting drama. You are very charismatic, yet tend to be too harsh on yourself for not being as genuine as you think you should be. 3% of the population shares your type.As a romantic partner, you need to talk about what is going on in your life. You are a strong supporter for your partner's efforts to grow and change and be happy. You need to feel that same support from your partner. Expressive, optimistic, and curious, you are eager to enjoy new experiences with your partner, whom you wish to be your confidant and soul mate, as well as play mate. You are uncomfortable sharing negative emotion, though, and tend to withdraw from confrontation and process your feelings privately. You feel most loved when your partner appreciates your creativity, accepts your uniqueness, and sees you as the compassionate person you are. You need to hear your partner tell you how much you mean to them and would love if they did thoughtful spontaneous things to demonstrate it.
My group summary: idealists (NF)
My type summary: ENFP
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Solitary Soul
written while listening to "Psycho Doctor" from the anime Fruits Basket
I hear the leaves fluttering outside my window
As scenes from the not so distant past
Flashed inside my head
Like a silent movie in Black and White.
I felt the coldness of the wind creeping on my skin
I closed the window and lied on my bed.
Once more I felt
The stillness of the room.
I closed my eyes and began to feel
The emptiness – sending me to a deep slumber
In my dark cold room
I lay slumped on a corner.
I hear the leaves fluttering outside my window
As scenes from the not so distant past
Flashed inside my head
Like a silent movie in Black and White.
I felt the coldness of the wind creeping on my skin
I closed the window and lied on my bed.
Once more I felt
The stillness of the room.
I closed my eyes and began to feel
The emptiness – sending me to a deep slumber
In my dark cold room
I lay slumped on a corner.
Jusqu’à Fin (Till The End)
Written while listening to the instrumental version of "Kissing You" from the motion picture Romeo + Juliet
Thick fog covers the pavement of a winding road. The silhouette of a young man is seen from a distance – carrying the lifeless body of a young lady in his arms. The fog clears and the lad lays the lady down on the grassy knoll.
Then he speaks, “Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night.” A teardrop falls and he slowly touches her cheeks with the back of his hand feeling the coldness of death on her pale skin.
He gradually moves his head forward towards hers – memorizing the contours of her face. His eyes stop on her lips, unexpectedly it still has the color of blood. He gently kisses her. The wind blows and he embraces her – her black hair flowing with the wind. He shouts her name. The thunder echoes the intensity of his voice. A raindrop falls on his cheeks.
He brushes off the dripping hair from his eyes. The body of his beloved lay still and colder because of the rain. His hands are now trembling because of the grief death brought him. In his pocket he draws out the knife that took her life – he found it in a pool of blood beside her. He looks at the bloodstain on the it and firmly grabs its base. And in a split second he thrusts it upon his beating heart. He lets out a painful cry.
The rain stops and the fog begins to thicken. On the grassy knoll the lifeless bodies lay.
Thick fog covers the pavement of a winding road. The silhouette of a young man is seen from a distance – carrying the lifeless body of a young lady in his arms. The fog clears and the lad lays the lady down on the grassy knoll.
Then he speaks, “Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night.” A teardrop falls and he slowly touches her cheeks with the back of his hand feeling the coldness of death on her pale skin.
He gradually moves his head forward towards hers – memorizing the contours of her face. His eyes stop on her lips, unexpectedly it still has the color of blood. He gently kisses her. The wind blows and he embraces her – her black hair flowing with the wind. He shouts her name. The thunder echoes the intensity of his voice. A raindrop falls on his cheeks.
He brushes off the dripping hair from his eyes. The body of his beloved lay still and colder because of the rain. His hands are now trembling because of the grief death brought him. In his pocket he draws out the knife that took her life – he found it in a pool of blood beside her. He looks at the bloodstain on the it and firmly grabs its base. And in a split second he thrusts it upon his beating heart. He lets out a painful cry.
The rain stops and the fog begins to thicken. On the grassy knoll the lifeless bodies lay.
The Twins
inspired by Neil Gaiman's "Snow, Glass, Apples"
It was just weeks after my husband’s death when I found them unconscious in the woods – a boy and a girl of the same age with tattered clothes and stains of blood with feathers on their hands. Scattered close to them were breadcrumbs. I hurriedly asked help from the village people to carry them home; and took care of them.
I am a widow of a baker. The children fondly calls my house, “The House made of Bread and Candies” because I always give them candies together with the bread they bought. The people of my village go to me to buy bread every morning and also foretell their destinies. I have the gift of premonition. But I can never tell what my future is. If I did know what it was, I never would have let the twins live in my home.
They did not wake until I had the dream: I was in a different house. It was quite dainty considering that the outside was full of trees; and it was fall. I was with a man who I feel is my husband. We were at the doorsteps. In front of us were the two children with the same age as they are now but their clothes were not torn; brown stains on their hands.
My husband (in the dream) and I held the children’s hands and welcomed them to our home. Suddenly, the scene changed. I was taken aback with what I saw. What lay in the yard was my husband’s corpse; his guts scattered on the ground as if a wild animal had hungrily preyed on him. Beside him was a trail of rocks. I followed it. It went through the woods to a clearing. No one was there. I lost my balance while walking to the end of the trail (this may be due to the trauma I experienced). I fell on my belly and all of a sudden I felt a thud on my back.
The next scene that followed was a revelation. I was now lying on my back and the twins were feasting on my insides…
I awoke exhausted from the dream I had. I tried to feel my belly with my hands. In the dark I saw the silhouette of the twins; they’re still in their bed sleeping.
I wasn’t able to go back to sleep that night.
I saw the sun’s rays creeping through the window – to the twin’s bed. In the morning light, their skin were as white as the milk that I get from my cow every morning. But today I would not get any milk from Daisy.
As I was kneading the dough for the day’s breads, two hands grab hold of my arm. I was startled to see that the twins were awake. I tried not to flinch. I gave them both a faint smile and said, “Hello there you two. What do you want for breakfast?” They did not speak but instead pointed at Daisy.
I hurriedly got an ax and cut the head of Daisy off. I wanted to scream and cry while I was chopping the limbs of my poor Daisy.
They ate the carcass like two hungry hyenas competing for food. I went back to kneading the dough again.
Days passed and I started exchanging my bread for meat from the villagers that would buy from me. In fear that the twins might murder and eat me.
The villagers started to get suspicious. No one dared to go to me and be foretold of his or her future.
The children of the village threw rocks on my house and shouted, “Witch! In that house is a witch!” Rumor broke that I’ve been feeding the twins so they’d be plump for the picking; eating them after they have grown.
The twins learned of this rumor and created a scheme to lay death upon me; so their secret would die with me and they may feast upon the rest of the villagers.
One morning, while I was getting the bread I baked out of kiln, they pushed me in, closed the kiln’s door and shouted, “Witch, witch, witch! You ought to be there witch!” It was like a chant they repeated over and over. Soon after, the villagers began entering my house chanting, jeering and laughing.
As I watched the twins celebrate with the villagers a scene flashed in my head: The girl locks the door. As the chants, jeers and laughs of the villagers grew more intense; the boy started the feeding frenzy by putting one-man unconscious and then tearing off his limbs. The loud jeers and laughs were replaced by screams and cries for help.
The girl leaps on the villagers like a tiger knocking each one unconscious.
The boy, in turn, opens the villager’s chest and feasts on their beating heart.
The scene fades.
Once more I hear the villagers’ voices echoing inside the kiln. The twins gave me a faint smile as I collapse and gasp for my last breath
It was just weeks after my husband’s death when I found them unconscious in the woods – a boy and a girl of the same age with tattered clothes and stains of blood with feathers on their hands. Scattered close to them were breadcrumbs. I hurriedly asked help from the village people to carry them home; and took care of them.
I am a widow of a baker. The children fondly calls my house, “The House made of Bread and Candies” because I always give them candies together with the bread they bought. The people of my village go to me to buy bread every morning and also foretell their destinies. I have the gift of premonition. But I can never tell what my future is. If I did know what it was, I never would have let the twins live in my home.
They did not wake until I had the dream: I was in a different house. It was quite dainty considering that the outside was full of trees; and it was fall. I was with a man who I feel is my husband. We were at the doorsteps. In front of us were the two children with the same age as they are now but their clothes were not torn; brown stains on their hands.
My husband (in the dream) and I held the children’s hands and welcomed them to our home. Suddenly, the scene changed. I was taken aback with what I saw. What lay in the yard was my husband’s corpse; his guts scattered on the ground as if a wild animal had hungrily preyed on him. Beside him was a trail of rocks. I followed it. It went through the woods to a clearing. No one was there. I lost my balance while walking to the end of the trail (this may be due to the trauma I experienced). I fell on my belly and all of a sudden I felt a thud on my back.
The next scene that followed was a revelation. I was now lying on my back and the twins were feasting on my insides…
I awoke exhausted from the dream I had. I tried to feel my belly with my hands. In the dark I saw the silhouette of the twins; they’re still in their bed sleeping.
I wasn’t able to go back to sleep that night.
I saw the sun’s rays creeping through the window – to the twin’s bed. In the morning light, their skin were as white as the milk that I get from my cow every morning. But today I would not get any milk from Daisy.
As I was kneading the dough for the day’s breads, two hands grab hold of my arm. I was startled to see that the twins were awake. I tried not to flinch. I gave them both a faint smile and said, “Hello there you two. What do you want for breakfast?” They did not speak but instead pointed at Daisy.
I hurriedly got an ax and cut the head of Daisy off. I wanted to scream and cry while I was chopping the limbs of my poor Daisy.
They ate the carcass like two hungry hyenas competing for food. I went back to kneading the dough again.
Days passed and I started exchanging my bread for meat from the villagers that would buy from me. In fear that the twins might murder and eat me.
The villagers started to get suspicious. No one dared to go to me and be foretold of his or her future.
The children of the village threw rocks on my house and shouted, “Witch! In that house is a witch!” Rumor broke that I’ve been feeding the twins so they’d be plump for the picking; eating them after they have grown.
The twins learned of this rumor and created a scheme to lay death upon me; so their secret would die with me and they may feast upon the rest of the villagers.
One morning, while I was getting the bread I baked out of kiln, they pushed me in, closed the kiln’s door and shouted, “Witch, witch, witch! You ought to be there witch!” It was like a chant they repeated over and over. Soon after, the villagers began entering my house chanting, jeering and laughing.
As I watched the twins celebrate with the villagers a scene flashed in my head: The girl locks the door. As the chants, jeers and laughs of the villagers grew more intense; the boy started the feeding frenzy by putting one-man unconscious and then tearing off his limbs. The loud jeers and laughs were replaced by screams and cries for help.
The girl leaps on the villagers like a tiger knocking each one unconscious.
The boy, in turn, opens the villager’s chest and feasts on their beating heart.
The scene fades.
Once more I hear the villagers’ voices echoing inside the kiln. The twins gave me a faint smile as I collapse and gasp for my last breath
Friday, August 19, 2005
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
The Name Game
Allen
Handsome, cheerful, harmonious one : Irish
You are a deep thinker and student of life using your intuition and natural detective ability to seek truth and hidden knowledge. Peaceloving and compassionate you are nonetheless strong-willed and courageous in confronting challenges. Although your approach to life tends to be on a mental level it is important for you to see your ideas and concepts take form in the material world. Your talents and leadership skills give you great potential for a distinguished career.
Josel
You are a charismatic individual with a dynamic and attractive personality. Probably not known for your caution or patience you are a risk taker who hates to be restricted in any way. Freedom is very important to you. Your thinking and intuition is strong and you have a talent for communication. You enjoy the sensual and material pleasures of life and with the application of care and wisdom you can achieve wonderful worldly success.
Santiago
St.James : Spanish
You have great self-confidence and a charming personality which attracts many friends and admirers. Your innate sense of personal power and ability to lead are ideally suited to positions of authority. Being so versatile and seeing the big picture your ambitions are high and much is usually expected of you. With patience and tenacity you will certainly fulfill the great potential you have for success.
Malumay
Extremely intelligent in thought and deed you are gifted at communication and finding practical applications for your ideas. You are strong willed and ambitious and need to have passion, freedom and adventure in your life. Always willing to help others your warm, honest and loyal nature ensures that you are loved by all. It is likely that you will achieve a great deal of success and recognition in life.
Handsome, cheerful, harmonious one : Irish
You are a deep thinker and student of life using your intuition and natural detective ability to seek truth and hidden knowledge. Peaceloving and compassionate you are nonetheless strong-willed and courageous in confronting challenges. Although your approach to life tends to be on a mental level it is important for you to see your ideas and concepts take form in the material world. Your talents and leadership skills give you great potential for a distinguished career.
Josel
You are a charismatic individual with a dynamic and attractive personality. Probably not known for your caution or patience you are a risk taker who hates to be restricted in any way. Freedom is very important to you. Your thinking and intuition is strong and you have a talent for communication. You enjoy the sensual and material pleasures of life and with the application of care and wisdom you can achieve wonderful worldly success.
Santiago
St.James : Spanish
You have great self-confidence and a charming personality which attracts many friends and admirers. Your innate sense of personal power and ability to lead are ideally suited to positions of authority. Being so versatile and seeing the big picture your ambitions are high and much is usually expected of you. With patience and tenacity you will certainly fulfill the great potential you have for success.
Malumay
Extremely intelligent in thought and deed you are gifted at communication and finding practical applications for your ideas. You are strong willed and ambitious and need to have passion, freedom and adventure in your life. Always willing to help others your warm, honest and loyal nature ensures that you are loved by all. It is likely that you will achieve a great deal of success and recognition in life.
Stress
Under the Sea
I was underwater for a few days and gave birth to a dozen blue and orange fishes that have rubber foam for its skin.make that more than a dozen.sixteen to be exact.one night my friend who i fondly call Ursula collected the fishes.She was to use it as props for a 10 minute production in baguio.That night was rehearsal night. A few hours passed.Ursula came back and told me to produce more offsprings.With this remark I needed help so I asked my merman friend Janus to help outand together we gave birth to 16 more fishes.
Pixie forest
I awoke one night to discover that I was sleeping on a leaf. I stood up and to my surprise i had wings. The sun was about to shine. My wings began to flutter. Everyday I would fly from leaf to leaf just to collect petals. I was excited to create a really special flower. But to my dismay I collected too much petals that I had a bunch of them stuck on my yard. I began to make not one special flower but a bunch. Finally the day arrived I had to offer the flowers I made to the Goddess of Beauty.
Da Vinci
A masterpiece done in 8 hours (acryllic paint on coco cloth)original size: 7ft by 6 ft (per panel 7ft by 2 ft)
I was underwater for a few days and gave birth to a dozen blue and orange fishes that have rubber foam for its skin.make that more than a dozen.sixteen to be exact.one night my friend who i fondly call Ursula collected the fishes.She was to use it as props for a 10 minute production in baguio.That night was rehearsal night. A few hours passed.Ursula came back and told me to produce more offsprings.With this remark I needed help so I asked my merman friend Janus to help outand together we gave birth to 16 more fishes.
Pixie forest
I awoke one night to discover that I was sleeping on a leaf. I stood up and to my surprise i had wings. The sun was about to shine. My wings began to flutter. Everyday I would fly from leaf to leaf just to collect petals. I was excited to create a really special flower. But to my dismay I collected too much petals that I had a bunch of them stuck on my yard. I began to make not one special flower but a bunch. Finally the day arrived I had to offer the flowers I made to the Goddess of Beauty.
Da Vinci
A masterpiece done in 8 hours (acryllic paint on coco cloth)original size: 7ft by 6 ft (per panel 7ft by 2 ft)
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
The Attack of Sweet Cravings
When you are hungry and there is no available food in the ref but raw food, the hired help is out and you just want dessert after a hearty meal, Teletubbies is on and you want something to eat while watching those somewhat disgustingly cute colorful creatures with these strange shapes and figures on top of their head (which will make you think if one of those is a phallic symbol of some sort); so you can throw up something after the show (not just gastric juices but bits of semi-digested food), or you just want to surprise your mom by letting her taste the nastiest food she’ll ever consume; and she’ll say to you that it’s the tastiest (but not necessarily delicious) food she ever ate – probably because you’re her child and she doesn’t want to dampen your spirits about your dream on becoming the best cook in the world. Try this:
Choc-nut Cake.
You will need 3 egg yolks and 1 whole egg, a 300ml can of condensed milk (preferably Carnation or Milkmaid, not Alaska because it has this weird taste), and, of course, Choc-nut – about 5 bars or 10 if you’re really in the mood to make yourself sick.
To create this sweet concoction you have to beat the egg yolks with the whole egg (don’t forget to break the egg, the shell has no special flavor, trust me) then mix in the condensed milk. Before blending in the Choc-nut in the mixture, crush them, in a separate platter, with a fork or your hand if you want your essence to be included in the cake (this is most favored by lovers). Put it in a microwave safe container and put it on the microwave oven in the maximum setting for 3 minutes or until you see it puff out of the container like a cake (maybe like a brownie or a brown puffed pillow). Top with confectioner’s sugar. Eat it while it’s warm because if you don’t it’ll look like pancakes when it’s cold.
Post text: Recipe intended just for the consumption of children (5-10 years old) or kid-at-heart folks (like me!).
Choc-nut Cake.
You will need 3 egg yolks and 1 whole egg, a 300ml can of condensed milk (preferably Carnation or Milkmaid, not Alaska because it has this weird taste), and, of course, Choc-nut – about 5 bars or 10 if you’re really in the mood to make yourself sick.
To create this sweet concoction you have to beat the egg yolks with the whole egg (don’t forget to break the egg, the shell has no special flavor, trust me) then mix in the condensed milk. Before blending in the Choc-nut in the mixture, crush them, in a separate platter, with a fork or your hand if you want your essence to be included in the cake (this is most favored by lovers). Put it in a microwave safe container and put it on the microwave oven in the maximum setting for 3 minutes or until you see it puff out of the container like a cake (maybe like a brownie or a brown puffed pillow). Top with confectioner’s sugar. Eat it while it’s warm because if you don’t it’ll look like pancakes when it’s cold.
Post text: Recipe intended just for the consumption of children (5-10 years old) or kid-at-heart folks (like me!).
Sunday, July 17, 2005
When i'm with you...
I need not wear a mask,
I can clown around when i want to;
I need not be an adult,
I can be a kid and play;
I need not say much,
A simple touch and kiss
send what I feel for you;
I need not hide,
you bring out my inner being;
I need not be afraid,
because you will always be beside me.
I can clown around when i want to;
I need not be an adult,
I can be a kid and play;
I need not say much,
A simple touch and kiss
send what I feel for you;
I need not hide,
you bring out my inner being;
I need not be afraid,
because you will always be beside me.
Friday, July 15, 2005
Hurt
Lips are numb.
Heart beating slowly,
every thump a short of breath.
Stomach grumbling,
Close to vomiting.
Heart beating slowly,
every thump a short of breath.
Stomach grumbling,
Close to vomiting.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Telephone Talking
Midnight,
I checked the luminescent hands of my wristwatch.
It was the only visible object in my room.
I lied on my bed, waiting.
Ten minutes passed.
My cellular phone; idle for the longest time.
I tried to reach you; a few rings,
More waiting.
I tried sleeping
So tomorrow I can say that I fell asleep, waiting.
Fixed my bed and arranged my pillows in their usual places on my bed.
I thought of you – the reason behind your disregard of me.
Then I fell into this pit.
But I was too tired to feel anything;
So I uttered no sound,
Not even a yell;
Even though it was a long fall.
The air was damp
And it was dark.
I lied there for a while trying not to move,
Just breathing.
One o’clock,
I saw the shining hands of my wrist watch
From the peripherals of my sight.
I stood up and switched the light on.
I was back in my room.
I got hold of the phone and dialed the number
I knew for months now.
You answered with a cold tone
That sent me shivering inside.
I said goodbye because you couldn’t talk.
At last my used to be idle phone sprang to life;
The sound of millions of crickets stuck inside my head.
I read the message you sent me.
I understood.
I sent myself back to bed
To wait once more.
Two hours after midnight.
I checked the luminescent hands of my wristwatch.
It was the only visible object in my room.
I lied on my bed, waiting.
Ten minutes passed.
My cellular phone; idle for the longest time.
I tried to reach you; a few rings,
More waiting.
I tried sleeping
So tomorrow I can say that I fell asleep, waiting.
Fixed my bed and arranged my pillows in their usual places on my bed.
I thought of you – the reason behind your disregard of me.
Then I fell into this pit.
But I was too tired to feel anything;
So I uttered no sound,
Not even a yell;
Even though it was a long fall.
The air was damp
And it was dark.
I lied there for a while trying not to move,
Just breathing.
One o’clock,
I saw the shining hands of my wrist watch
From the peripherals of my sight.
I stood up and switched the light on.
I was back in my room.
I got hold of the phone and dialed the number
I knew for months now.
You answered with a cold tone
That sent me shivering inside.
I said goodbye because you couldn’t talk.
At last my used to be idle phone sprang to life;
The sound of millions of crickets stuck inside my head.
I read the message you sent me.
I understood.
I sent myself back to bed
To wait once more.
Two hours after midnight.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
All Dogs Go to Heaven
“Ma… Snoop dog’s dead!” I heard my sister tell my mom while I was sculpting a starfish from a bar of soap. I hurriedly ran to the garage to check out our dog. I saw it strangled with its own leash, tongue out and with the stiffness of death crawling on its body. Scenes of its “puppyhood” flashed inside my head -- days when Snoop would freely run around the house, until it grew bigger and my mom had to let him stay outside of the house in the garage. I was actually surprised to see him tied in a leash because the past few days he freely greeted me every time I arrived home. My mom told me that she had to tie it up after its bath.
I carried the dead dog’s body to our backyard. I couldn’t bare the look on its face -- the look of death. I stared at it for a while before I began digging its grave. The soil was so dry. I had to put water to soften it. It took me an hour and gallons of sweat to dig up a hole in the ground deep enough for the dog's dead body. While I was digging I imagined going home without a high-tone bark welcoming me.
I carried the dead dog’s body to our backyard. I couldn’t bare the look on its face -- the look of death. I stared at it for a while before I began digging its grave. The soil was so dry. I had to put water to soften it. It took me an hour and gallons of sweat to dig up a hole in the ground deep enough for the dog's dead body. While I was digging I imagined going home without a high-tone bark welcoming me.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Friday, March 18, 2005
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Multiple Personality
To lose one’s mind
Crazy
Send in the clowns
Make them laugh
Have them cry
Schizophrenia
To lose someone
Misery
Hear your voice again
Sweet tender words
Utter piercing sentiments
Depression
To be alone
Terror
Slumping in a corner
Staring blankly to nothingness
A void inside
Paranoia
Crazy
Send in the clowns
Make them laugh
Have them cry
Schizophrenia
To lose someone
Misery
Hear your voice again
Sweet tender words
Utter piercing sentiments
Depression
To be alone
Terror
Slumping in a corner
Staring blankly to nothingness
A void inside
Paranoia
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
My real age
You Are 12 Years Old |
12 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
Monday, February 28, 2005
Infinity
Then the world stopped turning
Time stood still
Send me your smile
Give me your cheers
Bring me to life
Pull heaven to earth
Put it right between us
Time stood still
Send me your smile
Give me your cheers
Bring me to life
Pull heaven to earth
Put it right between us
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Nocturne
The moon shone brightly last night
As two souls counted stars
They never knew when they would finish
But they counted away
Not minding the make shifts of
The darkness beyond
As two souls counted stars
They never knew when they would finish
But they counted away
Not minding the make shifts of
The darkness beyond
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
When the world seems meaningless
Insomia.
Lots of things in mind.
Feels like this big load on my back is getting heavier.
Can't breathe.
Dying.
Can't move.
Undecided.
I hope when i sleep
This baggage will be emptied.
Lots of things in mind.
Feels like this big load on my back is getting heavier.
Can't breathe.
Dying.
Can't move.
Undecided.
I hope when i sleep
This baggage will be emptied.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Serenity
I thought the sky was clear
but then black clouds began to build up.
When will i see the sun again?
The light I've been getting strength from.
I heard a voice inside of me.
A little voice.
Insignificant to some.
"Soon you will. Just stay with me."
I smiled.
He's still there.
The kid in me.
but then black clouds began to build up.
When will i see the sun again?
The light I've been getting strength from.
I heard a voice inside of me.
A little voice.
Insignificant to some.
"Soon you will. Just stay with me."
I smiled.
He's still there.
The kid in me.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Making people's life Miserable Day After day (MMDA)
For a moment I thought I was going to jail when this guy in an aqua blue uniform approached me. I've always crossed to the island after going down a jeepney. It's a very human and practical reaction after a tiring day in school or for some at work -- not go back but straight to your destination, the other side of the road. It was just 2 meters away from the pedestrian lane. Alas! It was our day to get caught. I annoyingly walked towards the middle of edsa hi-way where the van of MMDA was. There was a flock of people circling around a MMDA officer. Like me they were in a rush and most of them are very much annoyed with what happened. True it was our fault to not have walked back and walked a few meters to the white lines that they so-called a pedestrian lane. "It's the jeepney's fault, if not for their improper unloading we wouldn't have crossed without going to the pedestrian crossing," an irritated lady said. The lady officer told her that it's was our fault to not have walked to the pedestrian lane. Whose fault was it? My stand remains unchanged. If not for the improper unloading because of the "U-turn scheme" the MMDA imposed the pedestrians won't be jay walking. A simple solution may be to strictly impose the unloading zones or to remove the "U-turn scheme" so the now useless traffic lights can be used again. Good thing the MMDA just issued a warning. When I got my id back I skidded off hurriedly to the MRT station.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Mushy Mornings
The sun rose
I wept,
For you were not beside me.
It was just a dream.
I got up,
Saw my face in the mirror.
Miserable.
I went to bed once more
To dream of you.
--------------------------
Blinded by the sun,
I awoke from a deep slumber;
A dreamless sleep it was.
I opened my eyes with anticipation,
My body freezing from last night's coldness.
I stood up,
Smiled,
And looked down.
A tear drop fell.
It's just monday...
---------------------------------
Send me cheers.
Bring me joy.
Look through me.
Say what's true.
Tell me about you.
Count stars with me.
Sing ballads.
Compose a poem
Filled with
The likeness of you.
I wept,
For you were not beside me.
It was just a dream.
I got up,
Saw my face in the mirror.
Miserable.
I went to bed once more
To dream of you.
--------------------------
Blinded by the sun,
I awoke from a deep slumber;
A dreamless sleep it was.
I opened my eyes with anticipation,
My body freezing from last night's coldness.
I stood up,
Smiled,
And looked down.
A tear drop fell.
It's just monday...
---------------------------------
Send me cheers.
Bring me joy.
Look through me.
Say what's true.
Tell me about you.
Count stars with me.
Sing ballads.
Compose a poem
Filled with
The likeness of you.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
A sleepless kid
Cold.
My bed empty.
In a while I will be under the covers
wishing you'll be there.
But I know it'll just be a dream.
Though if I do dream I hope you're in it.
With the sky serving as a niche for our thoughts.
Stars give us light for the night.
A mist of cold air serves as our blanket.
The sea our bed.
Our breaths the air that sustains our lives.
I hope this won't be one of those nights.
A dreamless sleep.
I want to dream of you.
Be with you.
Stay with you.
My bed empty.
In a while I will be under the covers
wishing you'll be there.
But I know it'll just be a dream.
Though if I do dream I hope you're in it.
With the sky serving as a niche for our thoughts.
Stars give us light for the night.
A mist of cold air serves as our blanket.
The sea our bed.
Our breaths the air that sustains our lives.
I hope this won't be one of those nights.
A dreamless sleep.
I want to dream of you.
Be with you.
Stay with you.
Friday, January 21, 2005
Suffocation
My heart is beating awfully fast.
Uncomfortable.
Don't know what to think of.
Tell me more...
I need to know the reasons why.
I am short of breath.
My chest, a fast deflating balloon.
Confused.
I am trying to assess what happened the past few days.
Where did I go wrong?
What do I lack?
I'll try to make sense out of this.
I'm close to crying.
You'd laugh at me when I do.
I want to lie down.
Sleep for a while.
Forget.
Dream.
Naive.
Yes I might be.
But a chance I want you to give me.
Not to prove myself.
But to be myself.
Uncomfortable.
Don't know what to think of.
Tell me more...
I need to know the reasons why.
I am short of breath.
My chest, a fast deflating balloon.
Confused.
I am trying to assess what happened the past few days.
Where did I go wrong?
What do I lack?
I'll try to make sense out of this.
I'm close to crying.
You'd laugh at me when I do.
I want to lie down.
Sleep for a while.
Forget.
Dream.
Naive.
Yes I might be.
But a chance I want you to give me.
Not to prove myself.
But to be myself.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
The Human Orchestra
Composed of two individuals. One man of medium built around five feet and ten inches tall and 150lbs, and a woman of enormous proportions. They are both in bed complete with a bean bag for a pillow and a blanket, the man snoring and the woman breathing heavily. Occassionally the man mouths sentences or even say it audibly and the woman answers with a snore in harmony with the man. Both are conducted by their dreams.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Poems
Here are some poems I wrote about a year ago.
LOVE EGO
alone...
sitting by myself
not minding every person that pass by
just reading line by line the story i already know
what is the story about?
i don't understand it
all i see are clouds of thought hovering over my head
building up volume until it'll rain on me.
perplexed…
drinking while reading
as i reminisce everything that happened
every detail that troubled both my mind and my heart
why am i like this again?
maybe i’m just confused
there’s still this pain inside of me that i can’t get rid of
i shouldn’t think of this -- that is the answer.
longing for…
dreams mystify me
their enigmatic sense i can not surmise
fate might have brought him to me to let me realize things
how will i end all of this?
i can go on like this
even though i know sometimes i will be hurt because of this
but pain is no big deal, my love is stronger
recovery…
lying on my bed
crying to let all the pain out of my heart
imagining every smile, glare, touch and kiss he rendered
can i survive all these facts?
time will heal all the wounds
my mind will for sure take over my emotions again
arise and say to the world that you’re happy
myself…
i love myself more
i always tell myself that i will survive
i got through all of these because i had only myself
am i being selfish?
i know what my worth is
i can venture to the real world for i have a will
i am an individual amidst all these…
The Unfamiliar Tones of Life
I woke up with a tired look in my eyes
As I gaze at myself in the mirror
Dissonances fill my head
When will this turn into a resolution --
A perfect consonance of tones?
Sometimes I feel that I am wandering
In an abyss of harmonic suspensions
Not knowing when will I surface
Feeling quite low
But exasperated by the highness of thoughts
LOVE EGO
alone...
sitting by myself
not minding every person that pass by
just reading line by line the story i already know
what is the story about?
i don't understand it
all i see are clouds of thought hovering over my head
building up volume until it'll rain on me.
perplexed…
drinking while reading
as i reminisce everything that happened
every detail that troubled both my mind and my heart
why am i like this again?
maybe i’m just confused
there’s still this pain inside of me that i can’t get rid of
i shouldn’t think of this -- that is the answer.
longing for…
dreams mystify me
their enigmatic sense i can not surmise
fate might have brought him to me to let me realize things
how will i end all of this?
i can go on like this
even though i know sometimes i will be hurt because of this
but pain is no big deal, my love is stronger
recovery…
lying on my bed
crying to let all the pain out of my heart
imagining every smile, glare, touch and kiss he rendered
can i survive all these facts?
time will heal all the wounds
my mind will for sure take over my emotions again
arise and say to the world that you’re happy
myself…
i love myself more
i always tell myself that i will survive
i got through all of these because i had only myself
am i being selfish?
i know what my worth is
i can venture to the real world for i have a will
i am an individual amidst all these…
The Unfamiliar Tones of Life
I woke up with a tired look in my eyes
As I gaze at myself in the mirror
Dissonances fill my head
When will this turn into a resolution --
A perfect consonance of tones?
Sometimes I feel that I am wandering
In an abyss of harmonic suspensions
Not knowing when will I surface
Feeling quite low
But exasperated by the highness of thoughts
Will you?
Will you share your life with me
For the next ten minutes?
For the next ten minutes
We can handle that
We could watch the waves
We could watch the sky
Or just sit and wait
As the time ticks by
And if we make it till then
Can I ask you again
For another ten?
And if you in turn agree
To the next ten minutes
And the next ten minutes
Till the morning comes
Then just holding you
Might compel me to
Ask you for more
There are so many lives
I want to share with you
I will never be complete until I do
text of the song "Next Ten Minutes" from the Last Five Years by Jason Robert Brown
Truly a risk worth taking.
Hopefully we'd share every minute of our lives together.
If not now maybe very soon.
Let's try and explore the possibilities.
I want to spend time with you looking at the stars connecting them like dots on paper.
Hold a brush with you and paint the morning sky.
Lay with you in bed sharing dreams.
Together we'll set our own time.
For the next ten minutes?
For the next ten minutes
We can handle that
We could watch the waves
We could watch the sky
Or just sit and wait
As the time ticks by
And if we make it till then
Can I ask you again
For another ten?
And if you in turn agree
To the next ten minutes
And the next ten minutes
Till the morning comes
Then just holding you
Might compel me to
Ask you for more
There are so many lives
I want to share with you
I will never be complete until I do
text of the song "Next Ten Minutes" from the Last Five Years by Jason Robert Brown
Truly a risk worth taking.
Hopefully we'd share every minute of our lives together.
If not now maybe very soon.
Let's try and explore the possibilities.
I want to spend time with you looking at the stars connecting them like dots on paper.
Hold a brush with you and paint the morning sky.
Lay with you in bed sharing dreams.
Together we'll set our own time.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
The Lion Sleeps Not
A few minutes to 3 am.
I'm still juggling in blogger mode trying to write what I felt today.
Was pushed away.
Hurt.
I don' know how I could get up. I've been trying to psyche myself that soon it'll be alright. I'll make it through this obstacle. Darn I fell again...
Badly hurt.
Can't function anymore.
I've been trying all day to do the things I must do. All I did was lay in my bed staring at the blank ceiling. Thinking that when I close my eyes I'll see the sky again.
I'm still juggling in blogger mode trying to write what I felt today.
Was pushed away.
Hurt.
I don' know how I could get up. I've been trying to psyche myself that soon it'll be alright. I'll make it through this obstacle. Darn I fell again...
Badly hurt.
Can't function anymore.
I've been trying all day to do the things I must do. All I did was lay in my bed staring at the blank ceiling. Thinking that when I close my eyes I'll see the sky again.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
your smile in the light of a sunset
Believe me...
I know what I'm feeling.
I long for your presence.
The past few days were not enough for me I want more of you.
I want to see you smile,
hear you laugh, hear your stories,
joke with me, know you more,
know your friends,
care for you...
be with you, always.
I left pictures of me in your phone. You can see me, I can't see you.
I only have the memories of you smiling,
sleeping like an angel,
hearing your teeth click while you sleep,
the warmth of your touch,
your eyes full of mystery,
those hands that matched mine when we held hands,
the sweetness of your breath,
and that kiss you rendered everytime we would look in each others eyes,
all of you.
When will I see that someone again who played God and created an abode
for me to see him and me together under the sky he made?
I know what I'm feeling.
I long for your presence.
The past few days were not enough for me I want more of you.
I want to see you smile,
hear you laugh, hear your stories,
joke with me, know you more,
know your friends,
care for you...
be with you, always.
I left pictures of me in your phone. You can see me, I can't see you.
I only have the memories of you smiling,
sleeping like an angel,
hearing your teeth click while you sleep,
the warmth of your touch,
your eyes full of mystery,
those hands that matched mine when we held hands,
the sweetness of your breath,
and that kiss you rendered everytime we would look in each others eyes,
all of you.
When will I see that someone again who played God and created an abode
for me to see him and me together under the sky he made?
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Why?
Lately we've been talking.
I've always talked to you in the nakedness of my emotions.
Told you most of the things happening to me.
But I believe sometimes I have the prerogative to not be in that full nakedness.
Like you do.
You often don't speak much of what's happening between you and him and most especially you don't tell me where you are most of the time.
And what's surprising is that I do that. Not expecting anything from you in return.
You would get mad at me everytime I wouldn't tell you something.
Yet if I'll tell it to you directly you'd get hurt. And afterwhich I'd feel really uncomfortable. I'm affected everytime you're uneasy, mad, jealous etc.
I said sorry.
I meant it.
But I haven't heard from you since...
Maybe it's time...
I don't know what's next for us...
It's something we need to know soon;
Let's live our lives again...
Together or separately.
I've always talked to you in the nakedness of my emotions.
Told you most of the things happening to me.
But I believe sometimes I have the prerogative to not be in that full nakedness.
Like you do.
You often don't speak much of what's happening between you and him and most especially you don't tell me where you are most of the time.
And what's surprising is that I do that. Not expecting anything from you in return.
You would get mad at me everytime I wouldn't tell you something.
Yet if I'll tell it to you directly you'd get hurt. And afterwhich I'd feel really uncomfortable. I'm affected everytime you're uneasy, mad, jealous etc.
I said sorry.
I meant it.
But I haven't heard from you since...
Maybe it's time...
I don't know what's next for us...
It's something we need to know soon;
Let's live our lives again...
Together or separately.
Lately
I thought it was...
I thought it is...
I thought it will...
I thought it did...
I thought you were...
I thought you are...
I thought you will...
I just thought wrong.
I thought it is...
I thought it will...
I thought it did...
I thought you were...
I thought you are...
I thought you will...
I just thought wrong.
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