holiday cheers and fears

Imagine your ideal Christmas...
Mom and dad laughing together while you and your siblings open your gifts under an enormous Christmas tree. In a round table eating noche buena while exchanging stories of the past Christmases you had. You'll sleep and then by morning you'll have your Christmas day lunch in a fancy restaurant. Afterwhich you'll stroll along a lovely park merrily singing Christmas songs while holding each other's hand. You'll go home tired from all the laughing and story-telling. You and your siblings will be talking about what you saw in the park; the boy who tripped; the beautiful lady in red eating strawberry ice cream while walking her cute white puppy; one of your neighbors who you accidentally bump into. The conversation will end and all of you will fall into a deep slumber. Hope fills all of you that tomorrow will be as happy as it was that Christmas day.
You wake up from the dream you had...
You find yourself in a room with your brothers. You sleep alone in the corner. You dream alone. Your mom wakes you up with a tone that forces your ears to shut. You try to sleep again but you find her voice deafening. You stand up and say, "I'm awake!" She would get hurt. She would deliver a monologue that can be included in an Academy Award winning movie. You shut your ears once more. The sound of her voice you can feel but you refuse to listen.
Alone...
You feel alone; most of the people you cared for left you. And most of the people you care for don't give a damn about what you feel. Lonely. Blue from trying to breathe the last remaining air in the soon to be vacuum space you're in.
You try to live your life; cling to someone who could help you. Risk yourself from being hurt again. You're not sure of anything; no assurance of happiness. But you have to try and free yourself from the clutches of the void that's been eating up your insides. Live your life again. You have your life back.